Memories

I am coming into my season of Anniversaries. Wedding, Death dates, Thanksgiving memories, Christmas memories, and birthdays.

I know so many have heard these stories over and over again. But when all your left with is the memories in my world that is all your left with! 

At 56, widowed, childless and memories!

Every year since I was 24, I have had significant dates in the memory banks. You know the ones that were life changing. Oh I had them before this age growing up, parents divorce, my brothers hearing returned, dad's remarriage, mother's marriage #2 & #3, engagement, marriage, birth of both of my children, etc.

https://memasterson.com/

No, I mean life changing in the sense that it was traumatic for my little world! I tell of how I got there in my book. divorced, no job left, no car, homeless and so much more. Losing my grandfather shortly thereafter. So much happened in that short little span after I turned 24. In April of that year I lost custody of my children (long story) I was labeled as an unfit mother with the help of a lot of smearing from my 'religious family' who assisted my soon to be ex husband who used the church for his shelter. Kidnapping of my children under false pretenses is how they accomplished that task. I look back on that memory as being very naive and trusting of people I thought I knew.

Both of my children were born in November (memory) one at the beginning and one at the end. 3 weeks shy of 2 yrs apart. Then their departure from this earth in March, I was only 26. Their dad and his wife of a year passed away in the fatal car wreck too.

2006=my final departure from a relationship with my mother..

2007=I finally gave into God's nudging, on my living room floor one Saturday morning....

2010=my final departure from a relationship with my father....

I look back and definitely can see where I lost myself along the way. What a whirlwind for quite a few years.

I met my late husband in 2009 and we married in fall of 2010. In fact, our anniversary is coming up. 2023 we took our last little day trip to go see the elk ranch in Missouri. We had a great day!

Then 7 days into October my life changed again. Sometimes I think I will never recover only to wake another day on this earth without him. Memories are all I have left!

Oh boy do I wish things could be different. It has not been an easy ride, a lot of major changes, sold all the animals including our horses. sold the farm, built another place from scratch (it's on the market), moved twice and getting ready to do that again, hopefully. Moved 1800 miles to be closer to where he is buried. When I look back on those memories, growth is all I see. It has been HARD!

I have come to realize that my second time in Missouri was the longest I had ever lived in one place in the entirety of my life. 13 years in one area. Memories created, memories of growth, memories relived again and again!

Moving back to the mountains I so desperately needed and I feel deserved. But the memories have definitely poured back in, like a faucet. Sometimes it's so overwhelming! But I manage with the help from God. 

I am healing bit by bit...

As far back as I can remember in my adulthood this is the longest I have been on my own too. I am definitely finding out my likes and dislikes for sure. At my age finding out who and what I will tolerate, enjoy and my peace. Oh my peace is like a gold treasure. I will not let that go!

This next chapter will have new memories, here in Montana. While Tom is resting on that mountain top I will continue on with life until the day I return to his loving arms and into the arms of my babies.

Memories are something nobody can take from me. I pray they never get old. I pray they never go away. 

It is what I have left of a life lived to the fullest!

💞 Mary

 

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